he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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