I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
