im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
