I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
