no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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