She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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