Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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