i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
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