I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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