I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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