Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
