i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
