Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
