Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
