I showed him my bush... on skype.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
