while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
