Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
