I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
