Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
