If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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