No stitches, just platelets and will power
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
