Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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