I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
