This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
