On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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