My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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