I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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