I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
