I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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