but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
