She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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