this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
