Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
