oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
