I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
