ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
