i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
