Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
