My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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