buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
