Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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