Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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