the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
