you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
