i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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