What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
