Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
