I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
