i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
