Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just cropdusted the office
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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