I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
