I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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