He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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