you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
