The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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