I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
