My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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