Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize