my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
