In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
