I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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