I smell stomach acid.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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