so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
