why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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