what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
