I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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