why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
