i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
