it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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