is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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