but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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