i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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