I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize