I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
