i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
