You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
