Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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