handjob tips. give me some.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
