So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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