i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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