hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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