Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
