Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
