yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
