You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
