I'd wear matching sweaters with you
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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