my shit smells like andre
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
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He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!