the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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