Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.