No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
