you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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