The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he's gonorrhea incarnate
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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